On Gatherings, Retreats, and Stays
A friend recommended the book "The Art of Gathering" to me when we were discussing my desire to host retreats. The author of the book, Priya Parker, brings the reader through a journey of discovery about how to meet better. I found a lot of great information to mull over.
For a fun comparison, I skimmed through two old books on our shelves: "Your Home and You: Unit Course in Home Economics" by Carlotta C. Greer, published in 1942; and "Esquire's Handbook for Hosts", published by Grosset & Dunlap in 1949.
What struck me about the home economics book is what it focused on. It was adamant about eating well and stressed that milk is the almost perfect food. Wise budgeting and buying seem useful to me but why does a girl need to read a chapter called "The Charm of Becoming Color"? What??? Two illustrations in the book are printed in color. One is the frontpiece of a woman in a red dress sitting on a highback chair with hands clasped looking into a fire in a fireplace, her feet in high-heeled black pumps resting on the circular rug. The other is this presumably super important picture of two color wheels. I skipped the chapter. I may never know my color, oh no!
The Esquire book had me gagging in a number of spots, reading the "jokes" and cartoons of the day. Things were a bit different back in the 1940s. One example of its datedness: "You'll enjoy the gathering more yourself if you make sure that everything is in readiness before your guests arrive. Cooking underway, table set, ice and liquor ready, ash trays out, canapes ready to serve." Whoops, I threw out all the ashtrays in 1994 and I have no idea what canapes are. But then again, the book had the power to surprise me with this solid assessment, included in the "Should You Ask Her In?" header in the "Etiquette Refresher" section, which our society still seems to need to grasp: "No modern woman in her right mind and past the age of consent wishes to preserve the ancient fiction of her fragility in the face of a practical world."
Plus the book does include a bunch of these cute "Checkpayers":
Not surprising, the old books focus on etiquette. Priya Parker goes in a different direction, focusing on establishing pop-up rules for your gathering rather than focusing on etiquette, and with her sound arguments and numerous examples, she certainly won me over. Plus, I love rules and I am probably pretty poor with etiquette. Reading the home economics book chapter "Learning to Be a Likable Person" made me want to rebel and do the opposite.
Advice on how to introduce the people at your gathering was the one thread which was remarkably similar in all three books.
From "Your Home and You":
Since making other persons comfortable is the basis of good manners, two strangers who may meet are certainly more comfortable if they are given a clue as to what to say after the formalities of an introduction are over. Thus the gracious thing for the one doing the introducing is briefly to tell something which will make the persons being introduced know more about each other. For example, a girl introducing a school friend to her mother might add: "Mother, I have always wanted you to meet Florence, for she often visits an aunt living in Buffalo, your old home." With this cue, it would be easy for two persons just introduced to begin an interesting conversation.
From "Esquire's Handbook for Hosts":
Once the party has officially begun, your major job is to keep it from breaking up into cliques or settling down into polite boredom. For a good start, provide your guests with a conversational opening the very moment you introduce them; don't settle for "Miss Jones, this is Mr. Collins," but add something like "Tom has just come back from Washington, Jane. He can probably bring you up to date on your old hangouts." From there, of course, Mr. Collins has to find out why Miss Jones should be so familiar with Washington night-life, and Miss Jones must ask about his trip.
From "The Art of Gathering":
In thirty seconds, he built each guest up while giving everyone in the room three or four pieces of interesting grist to connect to. He did not reduce anyone to their profession. He'd leave some mystery.
Wise advice from all three books, and introductions are something I plan to practice as preparation for facilitating my retreats.
At age 11 or so, I was given the "Webster's II New Riverside University Dictionary", which I adored. I read the entire thing by which I mean I looked at every page trying to find all the nice illustrations and word history notes. Here is an example: "The history of the word uncouth reveals the propensity of human beings to react with hostility and aversion to something unknown or strange. Uncouth is a descendent of Old English uncuth, which means simply 'unknown, unfamiliar.'....."
This dictionary fed my love of language and was part of the reason I majored in linguistics in college.
So, I turn to that dictionary for some definitions of the topic at hand. Here is how Webster's II nicely and completely defines our three words:
GATHERING. 1. Something amassed : COLLECTION. 2. An assembly : meeting. 3. A gather in cloth. 4. A suppurated swelling : BOIL.
RETREAT. 1. An act of going backward or of withdrawing. 2. A quiet, private, or secure place : REFUGE. 3. a. A time of seclusion, retirement, or or solitude. b. A time of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, and study. 4. a. Withdrawal of a military force from a dangerous situation or from an enemy attack. b. The signal for such withdrawal. c. A bugle call signaled the lowering of the flag at sunset, as on a military post.
STAY. 1. To remain in a given place or condition. 2. To sojourn as a guest or lodger. 3. To stop moving : CEASE. 4. To wait : PAUSE. 5. To hold on : ENDURE. 6. To keep up at a race or contest. 7. To meet a bet in poker without raising it.
I have been contemplating hosting retreats before even starting Flocksadaisy Farm, and this location seems to demand to be shared. But Priya Parker would be the first to point out that location is not everything and should not be my first consideration. I need to determine my purpose - the why of the gathering.
Parker also advocates for "good controversy" and pushing for real connection between people. She may agree with me that bringing in a bit of the uncouth to my gatherings may spark great conversation and get creative juices flowing.
And now I am ready to introduce the Flocksadaisy Farm gathering offerings!
On the Events page you can find out about and register for retreats. On the Farm Stays page you can learn about the options for staying at Flocksadaisy Farm for a short duration.
Here is my first retreat offer:
What is the why for my retreats? Foremost, I want to facilitate activities that spark creativity. Secondly, I want to provide a safe, comfortable, and relaxed environment where everyone is free to listen to and savor the natural surroundings. Third, I want to share this farm life and beautiful farm animals with others. And forth, I want to build community and connect people so they can learn, laugh, and share together.
I am excited to find out what this new dimension brings to Flocksadaisy Farm. How about joining me?
Comments